If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one this year, you might be wondering how you’ll get through the rest of the holiday season. Though the holidays are difficult, there are steps you can take to help you cope.

Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss, according to Chaplain Joseph Kampert, M.Div., of Aultman Grief Services.

“Grief affects us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually,” he said in a recent appearance on the Health Matters radio program. “It’s not a disorder, disease or a sign of weakness ... it’s the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Grief is unique to each person, but the holidays after a loss are usually more challenging for everyone.

“Triggers come out of nowhere,” Chaplain Kampert said. “It could be a song that brings a tear to your eye ... Or you could be out shopping for groceries and see one of your loved one’s favorite foods, and the grief comes flooding back.”

Because this time of year can be especially tough, don’t try to live up to others’ expectations for how you should feel or what you should participate in over the holidays. Focus on what you can control to help lessen the heartache.

Coping With the Holidays

Chaplain Kampert suggests developing a “So what?” list to help prioritize your holiday activities. Write down the top 10 things you really want to do, such as go to a holiday concert, shop with the kids or decorate the tree.

For anything not on the list, feel free to say, “So what?” and let it go with no regrets. It’s OK to say no when you just aren’t up to a certain event or activity.

Other suggestions for the holiday season include:

• Plan ahead. Prepare for the ways you’ll miss your loved one. For example, if your loved one always carved the turkey or said the blessing, make sure you’ve asked in advance for someone to fill that role.
  
  
• Drive yourself when you choose to go to events. That way, if you change your mind or need to leave, you can do so without affecting anyone else’s plans.
  
  
• Know that it’s OK to experience and show joy. Laughter is just as important as tears.
  
  
• Find ways to honor your loved one, such as by lighting a memorial candle, telling a favorite story about them or toasting them at a gathering.
  
  
• Hold on to your faith. Even if you can’t face going to the same church you always attended with your loved one, find a church in a similar faith tradition.
  
  
• Draw strength from others. Having support is an important part of healing. Reach out to friends, family and your faith community. And don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a counselor when you feel overwhelmed.

Helping Others Through Grief

Even if you are not experiencing grief during this holiday season, you may know friends or family members who have lost loved ones. You can help by supporting them in their grief.

You may not know what to do or what to say, and that’s OK, Chaplain Kampert said. “I always think of the saying, ‘People won’t remember what you did, but they’ll remember how you made them feel,’” he said. “Just be there for them.”

For children who are grieving, make a plan for the holidays and seek input from all family members. “Children need love and reassurance, so keep routines as normal as possible,” Chaplain Kampert said. “It brings stability for them ... Relax and be present with kids. They need to know that they’re just as special as the person who died.”

And don’t be afraid to let kids see you cry. It helps them understand that crying is part of grieving.

Above all, give yourself the gift of grace this holiday season.