While we miss our lost loved ones throughout the year, holidays can be especially difficult. Chaplain Joseph Kampert of Aultman Grief Services shares seven tips for getting through the holidays when you are grieving.

Set boundaries. You can participate and not participate in whatever feels right for you. Don’t feel pressured into attending anything. For events you do attend, either drive yourself or make sure you have a plan for leaving early if you start to feel overwhelmed.

Tune in to your grief. Grief does not take a back seat during the holidays and can often be magnified. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not avoid them. You may experience both negative and positive feelings during the holidays while grieving, and that’s OK. All feelings can coexist – you can miss your loved one and enjoy the holiday at the same time.

Plan ahead to fill empty holiday roles. It is important to think ahead, especially with children, to consider who will fill a role that your loved one once held – such as carving the turkey or saying the blessing. Planning ahead helps you avoid unnecessary moments of grief. If you feel comfortable talking about your loved one, be the first to do so. Then everyone else will understand it won’t be hurtful to you to bring memories of your loved one into the conversation.

Remember self-care. The holiday season can be stressful. Be mindful to get enough rest, and don’t push yourself too much through the holidays. Don’t get talked into things you’re not sure of. If you find yourself struggling, just tell them that you’re not up for it, and maybe you can get together another time.

Give yourself grace. You are forever changed. Try your best not to make any drastic changes in your life in the first year. Do not feel any pressure to live up to anyone’s expectations. There will be people who suggest that you should be ready to move on, but you need time. You are in charge of your own grief.

Honor old traditions and memories. When you are not ready to think about holiday traditions and how you will even manage to look at the Christmas tree: DON’T. Things do not have to stay the way they were – unless you decide you want to honor your loved one by keeping certain traditions going.

Make new traditions. Creating new traditions can be healing for some individuals. Making new memories does not erase old memories. Remember, your loved one will want you to enjoy the holidays. Acknowledge, validate and then challenge any feelings of guilt that may arise in the process.